Building Your Support System: Identifying and Strengthening Your Team
Having a strong support system is essential, especially when making changes in life. Support gives us confidence and reassurance as we navigate challenges. For parents with neurodivergent tendencies, building this system can be even more difficult. Emotions like guilt and disappointment can get in the way—especially when we wish certain people, like family, could be our main supports. And let’s be honest: asking for help can feel impossible. We tend to make things harder for ourselves (both a little true and a little funny).
That’s why I want to share tools for creating a support system that makes change easier, fulfilling, and maybe even fun. This article includes practical strategies, communication techniques, and real-life examples to help you build a network that truly supports you.
Building a Team
Start by identifying role models—people whose beliefs and approach to life resonate with you. Find the most efficient way to learn from them; for me, podcasts are a great resource.
Next, assess your current support system. Make a list of the people in your life and pay attention to how they respond to you and how you feel after interacting with them. This will help you determine who is genuinely helpful right now.
To uncover support you may have overlooked, ask yourself:
Has anyone ever helped me with my kids?
Who has brainstormed ideas with me?
Who has been a source of encouragement?
These questions can reveal unexpected allies.
Communication Skills
Not everyone in your life will automatically know how to support you. Check in to see if they are open to change. Use clear, direct communication:
"I feel ____ when you ____ (specific behavior). I need ____ (sometimes this is as simple as ‘I don’t know; let’s brainstorm’)."
Example:
"I felt dismissed when you said Lilly’s behavior was normal. I need you to let me vent and brainstorm other ways to help her."NOTE: If someone is willing to adjust their response, be patient—it takes time to build new habits. Be prepared to gently remind them of the new way you'd like to interact.
If they are unwilling to change, acknowledge that and set new boundaries. If they remain in your life, consider what role they can play and shift your expectations. Reduce your availability—answer the phone less, ignore negative comments, or keep interactions brief. When needed, turn to a more supportive person and say, "You’d be so proud—I didn’t engage when Jill said…!" to reinforce your progress.
Finally, actively seek out people who can fill the gaps in your support system. You can even make direct requests:
"Hey Jill, when I do ____, can you do ____ for me?"
Building a support system takes effort, but once in place, it makes all the difference. You deserve people who uplift and empower you—so start creating the network you need today!
